Undescribe Feeling

 It was when a day where i got the chance to meet something new. i was quite excited with everything that happened around me including new friends, new teachers and new circumstances. everything was vagued and would never be described by words. and that day was the day i met him.
 i was kind of blurred with my thoughts for the first time. i was new there and i could not even recognize every classmate of mine which were girls and were super-talented. i was like 'is this for real? why my feeling for a sudden is unpredictable and at the same time it is totally cannot be described ?' it was so confused and i have been like this twice in my life before but it have never been for real.
 then i thought, what if i could not afford it? what if i dont deserve it in my life? what if that was just an illusion that would make me unawake with my desires? my heart kept on forcing me to get to know him more and more. i cannot even control my mind and my actions toward him. i wanted everything about him to be real in my life. i was so greedy and yet thought it was all mine. it has to be destined as mine.
 then i thought for a few seconds again, what about what had been totally agreed? i mean, what i had thought a minute ago was not something that has been guaranteed. what about something that has been guaranteed by God Himself? the mind of mine kept searching for the truth. in the nick of time, i finally got an answer. there is something that has been guaranteed by God and it is not just for me, it is for everyone in the world and it is not just for this century, it is for every century that lies until the end of the world. it sounds like 'Every grateful man is for every thankful woman, every incredible man is for every wonderful womanand every evil man is for every bad woman.' and those words had finally solved my thoughtful mind.
 and for this time, it was for real. but it was not for real in being one, it was for real in being as a lesson for me in my whole entire life. i need to tossle with my own desires because it is the best for me to get the best.
 'Hey! who are you starring at?' one of my new friends called me. and this was my answer 'umm, nothing. i was just wondering about something.'  my friend felt confused and eventually ignored and left me standing alone.
'Ah, let it be as it could be discussed in the future.' and that was exactly the end that made me felt so satisfied with everything.
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